Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
