She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
