Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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