Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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