i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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