Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
