At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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