One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize