I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize