And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
