He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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