Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
