Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
