Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You smell like stripper and shame
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
