Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
