She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
