two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Randomize
