So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The air was thick with penises
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
