im about as happy as oj after his trial
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
