I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
