You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
