I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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