When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
