one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
