If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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