and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
