he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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