Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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