chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
