she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
