so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
