Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
