It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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