She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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