I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
