PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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