Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
