Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
