Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.

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(515): View more from Iowa

So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.

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(810): View more from Michigan

people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.

(440): View more from Ohio

and SLEEP god I love sleep

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/

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