I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
