a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
