At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
