2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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