i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
