Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize