I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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