And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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