if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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