and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize