i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
