I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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