I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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