Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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