I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
