so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
