I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
