WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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