I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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