I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
