You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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