You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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