So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
