what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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