Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
