1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
