So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
50% drunk capacity currently
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
