Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
