Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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