I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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