My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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