Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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