You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
