If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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