I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
