you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize