We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize