it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
